3:30 p.m. Most of the dreaded things I anticipated with yesterday's visit to the vet with Lily pretty much occurred. We expected that the vet would recommend it was time to ease Lily's physical discomfort due to cancer and the beginnings of organ failure. We both left work early to spend just a little extra time with her before the drive. I held her at home like she wanted to be held so many times before on the couch or recliner. She was very good at hugging....she would turn her head and put it right under my chin and shimmy as close as possible and try to lick my face in return for a belly and/or back scratch. And she had this little grunt, almost like a little baby pig. Finally Amber told me we needed to go, and I knew this would be the last trip out of the house for Lily. Before becoming sick, Lily loved to go on walks. Her little legs were no match for any adult escorting her. She would look for anything and everything to bark at, and every trip usually meant stopping to go potty - usually along the south drive to the school parking lot. Meeting friends on a walk was always welcome, but Lily honestly wasn't ever a very friendly dog, and she honestly believe she could take any other dog out - even Bella and Max the neighbor dogs that are huge monster of dogs. Our walks feature a pink leash, which of course only added to my masculinity and toughness. Unfortunately, though, within the last couple of weeks, Lily no longer wanted to go on walks. So from the house, we decided to take the truck for the final drive. Lily loved riding on the console of the truck, and Amber had placed a red towel on the console so it was easier for Lily to ride there. Since getting the truck and camper, Lily had really, really enjoyed going on camping trips. In fact, anytime I pulled the truck and trailer in the front yard to start getting packed, Lily was ready to go. She accompanied us on all of our trips - near and far, including to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, which included the emphamis tire blowout. Of course on trips in the truck, Lily continued to bark and grunt, and she enjoyed going back and forth to laps. On longer trips, Lily would most likely steal a place on Amber's pillow, depriving Amber of a nap. I had taken Lily out for a drive on Sunday afternoon because I didn't want yesterday's drive to be the only truck ride she got since we winterized the camper. We didn't go far - just about a 5-mile square in the country and back home. She was quiet, and she rested on the console during the trip while I rubbed her back. I had thought about taking her out to Loud Thunder for one last trip through a campground, but without the camper it wasn't the same. Lily's last camping trip would have been this past Halloween in Indian Meadows, and even then she really didn't have an interest in going on long walks. As a campground dog, though, when she was feeling better, she of course had to bark and anyone and everyone that walked by, especially if it was another dog. After leaving home we stopped at the insurance place in Edgington to allow Kourtney to see Lily for what we expected to be one last time. That wasn't easy, as the tears flowed for me. Lily was excited to see Kourtney and went up to the window to get a pet with her tail wagging excitedly.
We then headed to Milan, as Amber suggested we needed to stop and get Lily a treat. One thing Lily never lost, even through her recent health issues, was her appetite and interest in begging for people food. In her world, dog food really was for other dogs. Lily really had perfected the art of begging, even at family gatherings with folks she didn't know as well as immediate family. The thing was that she was hard to turn down...the light, sharp bark and a wagging tail with paws extended up on the chair was a very good routine, and the efforts generally were rewarded. So Amber and I went through the drive thru, which was unusually packed for 3:15 in the afternoon, but we ordered a plain hamburger for Lily, which she was visibly appreciative for, even though she was interested in any fries.
Then our journey featured our last stop at the vet clinic on Andalusia road. The clinic is small and the people are very good; despite COVID, they allowed all of us to come in, and Amber carried Lily in with what Amber and I would be our last time together...which meant the tears would now flow steadily. As was similar recollections with other animals, nerves seem to kick in which also occurred with Lily, and all of the sudden she seems more lively than she had been in recent weeks. This view, of course, allows doubt to creep in, "Are we doing the right thing?"
The vet performed a quality of life check, and while the fluid around Lily's heart hadn't really increased much, her liver had enlarged quite a bit, and the vet determined that this along with her cancer was likely causing all the discomfort she had been experiencing. She, then, confirmed what we feared but knew in our hearts was the best choice, which was to put our Lily to sleep and ease her pains and discomfort. We could have opted to take her home; perhaps request some pain medications or tried some experimental something or other, but that decision would have been for the adult humas in the room, not for the little beautiful canine hospice patient.
The sedative hurts. So the vet and the assistant held Lily while the injection was completed, and then Amber and I had a few minutes to hold Lily - just the three of us while the sedative took effect and Amber and I bawled uncontrollably. Soon Lily calmed, the panting stopped, her breaths shallowed, her eyes mostly closed, and her little pink wet tongue drooped out. She was ready to cross what my mom often refers to as the "rainbow bridge".
I would have stayed with Lily for the dreadful "blue syringe", but Amber was ready to say her last goodbye so we both gave Lily a hug and a pat, and I gave her a kiss on her head through my mask. I hope she appreciated our final attempts to tell her how much we loved her and would miss her.
We understood the rest...the vet and assistant would administer the medication, and soon Lily's heart would stop and she would make her way across the bridge. We paid the vet bill and agreed to pick up Lily's ashes later, likely the following week due to the Thanksgiving holiday. We made our way out of the little clinic, into the truck, stilly crying uncontrollably, and drove home in quiet agonizing sorrow.
I didn't sleep well last night....I woke up startled out of bed because I thought I heard Lily having one of her "coughing episodes" that had been worsening over the past few weeks. I looked for her at the foot of the bed on Amber's side, but she wasn't there and I remembered why. I couldn't go back to sleep; it was just after midnight.
Facebook
kennel
returning home
Things to do for school
- submit another evaluation for Mrs. Mitola
- complete agenda and morning video brief for Nov. 24 and update to stream
Things I Could Do or Need to Do In the Future
- order a IGHSAU basketball officiating shirt
- wrap xmas gifts - ALMOST DONE - Dalton's safety glasses and gift cards
- Nov. 24 - 7:30 p.m. officiating at Assumption
- Dec. 15 - 8:00 a.m. dentist appointment
- Dec. 22 - noon colonoscopy (prep on Dec. 21)
- COVID test on Dec. 19 - 6 a.m. - take order with me...
- Jan. 8 - 8:30 a.m. Dr. Wang biopsy
- Find out if insurance will cover procedure - I think it does
- Find out if insurance will cover shingles vaccine - I think it does
- Fix the green door.
- Check gmail messages.
- Have shin guards fixed somewhere?
Things that I NOW think about with the coronavirus. (11/24)
- ILLINOIS PREVIOUS DAY
- ILLINOIS YESTERDAY
- ILLINOIS TODAY
- ROCK ISLAND COUNTY
- YESTERDAY
- RI County - 7,905 positive cases; 117 deaths
- 61284 - 131 reported positive cases
- TODAY
- RI County - 8,152 positive cases; 117 deaths
- 61284 - 134 reported positive cases
Prayer for My Heart
Holy Spirit...
Help me have...
a pure heart, that I may see; a humble heart, that I may hear; a heart of love, that I may serve; a heart of faith, that I may abide in the spirit.
