Feeling Blessed - 2019 Was a Good Year!

It's Dec. 31, 2019, at 5:37 a.m. as I begin this.  I've punched in "the numbers", and I can now reflect on 2019 and perhaps glimpse at 2020.  What a year 2019 turned out to be.

• Perhaps most importantly, my family is growing and healthy.  Three new grandchildren have been added, and I've learned to thoroughly enjoy being "Jay".  That brings the total to four, and I'm okay with adding some more!  Also, my brother is engaged and will be married in May, so that's also a development that has occurred and will occur in the upcoming year.
• Speaking of family, the home and family that Amber and continue to grow is amazing.  We aren't wealthy, but we are blessed.  We have a beautiful home, have enough income to enjoy life a little, and we still laugh a lot.  She's beautiful, all be it occasionally feisty and intense, but our relationship fits both of us really well.
• I'm healthier.  This morning I weighed in at 218 lbs., and last year this time I was around 260 lbs.  At 218, I'm still not at my target weight of 200 lbs., but I'm feeling a heck of a lot better, especially getting up and down the court to officiate.  Healthier has been a combination of intermittent fasting since February, a series of treatments on my knee at Frontline, consistent light yoga stretching, some strength training 1-3 times a week, and recently adding 10-minute abs workout 4-7 times a week.  The only hiccup in the health category for me was that weird event with transient global amnesia; I'm still learning more about that one.
• Speaking of officiating, I worked post-season in basketball and softball last season, and the post-season is a lot of fun.  In that category, I also went to a USA National with my son Cole, which was exhausting but going with Cole was a memorable experience, as that was his first national event.
• Cole, Carmen, and Chase are on positive paths.  Their have been changes in their lives, but their trajectories are all positive and healthy.  They are such wonderful people with good hearts; I hope I'm around a lot longer to see more of their life stories.
• Financially, at the end of 2018 I had virtually nothing in neither my checking account nor savings, and I had a VISA balance that was ridiculous.  At the end of 2019, I'm not rolling in money, but the financial status of checking and savings isn't so grim, and I've cut the ridiculous VISA balance in half, which is still ridiculous but not as much.  2019 did see record setting snowfall, which cut into my income of officiating basketball, so I would appreciate 2020 being not so snowy, so I can keep the positive income arriving.
• Professionally, consideration of retirement has crept into my thinking.  I'm mulling it over more and more, and early retirement does seem to be something of interest.  I believe I'd like to be more available for my parents, in-laws, children, and grand-children.  I know I'll still have to work somehow - either by substituting or perhaps teaching at a local community college or jumping the river and teaching in Iowa.  And I know I'll still keep officiating and umpiring at least a few more years.  But early retirement may add some flexibility to my life that would not only be refreshing, but could also be invigorating.  Maybe I could consider trying some college officiating and/or umpiring; maybe I could try another career?  Teaching at Rockridge is still something I enjoy; I don't have as much fun as I have had in recent years, but I think that goes along with getting nearer and nearer retirement.  The negotiation process that occurred last spring really had an impact on me, and I don't think that's something I'm going to get over, even though I have set it aside from my day-to-day efforts.  I'm still a member of our association this year, but I'm considering an end to that involvement.
• Amber and I flew out to Laughlin, Nevada this past summer with Amber's parents and friends.  That was a great experience, but our gambling efforts didn't exactly work out.  This past summer also featured my first trip to Washington, D.C., by helping Amber out with her 8th grade field trip.  This trip is TRULY exhausting and features more time on a charter bus in a week than any one person deserves.  Yes, I'll be going back this summer, my butt and knees are already feeling the pain.  In all seriousness, though, I really enjoyed all the sightseeing and tour of the capital.  I learned a lot, saw a lot, and am eager to return.
• Let it snow?  While I mentioned it previously, last school year we had something like 12 snow days!  I've never seen anything like it.  The winter just kept dropping snow.  Our school day was extended, which was absolutely stupid.  I didn't get in a research paper to the students, which didn't kill them, but I felt bad about it.  And despite all the disruptions and weather crap, RHS was still an exemplary school, even though I'm still not sure how.
• My faith journey wasn't as strong this year as I would have liked.  Perhaps even just mentioning that topic here is an indication.  I have tried to figure out an answer to that, but I'm going to keep that to myself for now.  My faith journey is still present in my life and important, but it's behind other things that cuts down on the time and personal energy to be involved and grow.  

And on to 2020....

Honestly, I could take another year like last year - removing all the snow and canceled basketball and softball games.  This isn't a negotiation year, so I'm not going to stress over that.  A couple more grand-children would be okay.  Some divine intervention with the early retirement question would be appreciated.  And if I could get that dang VISA balance cleared out of my life, I might just do a dance in the street!  Oh, and if I could avoid another TGA event, that would be appreciated to.  I still haven't received all the medical bills for that little event.

That's A Wrap - Christmas 2019

We started Christmas last Saturday at the Massey's.  Jack and Rhonda served up a holiday supper and we spent some time with the Massey group, except for Aaron, but we hope to see him and his daughter sometime this week.

The next Christmas event was to watch Carmen's program at her church, and this is something I really enjoy.  Her church is Apostolic, which is scary to some folks.  And I'm not saying that I agree with everything, but I'm not sure I agree with everything any religion values, and that includes the Methodist church that I belong too.  The program is a cantata, and most of it consists of presenting Christmas songs, which is the part I like the best.  I had supper with the congregation afterwords, which was fun and enjoyable.  Carmen's church is full of wonderful people, and I enjoy seeing them each year around this time.  Plus, it's nice to see Carmen sing a couple of songs as well, even though I tell her each year to smile more.

Next up was Christmas with the Kiddoo-Bizarri kids at our house on Christmas Eve morning.  Amber has developed a tradition of wearing pajamas, which I'm admittedly not a big fan of, but I'm trying to let it grow on me.  My pajamas simulate a Santa suit, and it's red and in past years when I've been heavier, I felt awful - like a Santa that had a belly fully of jelly but no white beard to go along with it.  And I'm just not ready to be a jolly old fat Santa yet.  I'm not going to lie...being thinner this year helped.  Now I just looked like an skinnier "middle-aged" dude where Santa pajamas.  Unfortunately, Chase wasn't in attendance, which was a disappointment, but all the other Kiddoo and Bizarri children joined us - their spouses and children included. And extra special this year were the grandkids all in the fun - Ava, Tucker, Brooklyn, and Brinley had a nice time, and I can only imagine Christmas getting crazier and crazier as the little ones grow older.

In the evening, we packed up and headed to Grandma Cathy's house.  Chase was at this gathering, so at least we got to see him and give him his gifts.  We also got to see Kaylee and Peyton, and Greg joined us too.  More food, featuring oyster soup and ham sandwiches, and more gifts handed out as well, were the events of the evening.  Amber and I then headed home and crashed; I think we were sleeping by nine o'clock.

In between our family events today, Carmen and Cole and I watched Hallmark movies, which was fun.  Carmen and I (and Amber) are sold are the movies, but Cole is a bit of a skeptic.  We will keep working on him.

Christmas Day itself is pretty much like a "leftover" anymore.  All the kids are spread out to their "other side" families, so Amber and I had a relatively quiet day.  We went over to Kourtney's and then stopped by the casino on the way home...no luck there, though.  Surprisingly, there were more people there then I thought.  I wonder if that's a signal that other folks are like us...all Christmas complete.  I hope it's not because those folks just don't have a Christmas to attend.

Yesterday and today, Amber and I traveled to Dubuque to check out the Diamond Jo Casino and just have an overnight get-a-way.  We lost...again...but the buffet was really good last night, and we enjoyed seeing a different casino and playing games that we weren't familiar with.  I think my new favorite slot game was Farmville.  We went back again this morning, but that didn't go well either...dang it!

So today we returned home and put away Christmas '19.  It's a bit of a process to get all the boxes out from the storage closet in the basement, and pack back up all the decorations and ornaments and of course the tree.  After a couple of hours the recent remnants of Christmas were stored away; left only with the memories of the holiday.

And honestly, it was a wonderful holiday!  By working pretty hard at officiating in November and December, I was able to purchase gifts for all my close family and friends and stay in my budget.  Plus, I was able to take Amber on the quick overnight casino escape up to Dubuque; she took care of the hotel room, and I took care of our casino spending money.

Unfortunately, there was no white Christmas this year, which was a bummer.  On the other hand, taking down the outside lights today and driving around to families and events and Dubuque sure was a lot simpler without snow on the ground and roads.  We had three inches of snow on Halloweeen, and record setting high temps and no snow around Christmas...crazy.

So the Christmas break is over, and it's back to officiating tomorrow.  Then a Sunday off and back to another game on Monday.  It's a good thing I'm doing a little officiating...Santa's shopping and no luck at the Diamond Jo is leaving this guy a little light on the wallet.  Working a few games over the next couple of days perhaps can save me until my next paycheck arrived in mid-January.

Bring on the New Year!

My Report on Transient Global Amnesia

So last Monday, I had an interest event happen.  The quick summary is that I experienced an episode of transient global amnesia, which basically means my short term memory wasn't functioning normally for about a 6 hour period.  I've waited this long to post this particular message because I've been trying to figure it out enough to explain it and make some reasonable guesses as to what caused it.

Since the event I joined a Facebook group which honestly has had a bit of a calming effect.  My episode, it seems, really isn't that surprising even though prior to last Monday I hadn't even ever heard of TGA.  "Rookies" seem to join the group weekly, and their stories are always very similar to mine.  There seems to be a general unofficial consensus that hydration level and stress level are connected to having an event.  A low hydration level mixed with some type of mental, emotional, and/or physical stress occurrence seem to be a "winning" combination of factors.  And those things would have been factors in my episode.  I'm often dehydrated in the morning, especially after officiating a lot, even though I really try to stay hydrated.  And the intermittent fasting eating schedule I'm on seems to require drinking even more water, so my eating habits may have also contributed, even though I'm not stopping my IM eating schedule.

The basic summary of my event involved an early morning strength workout down at Turning Pointe in Andalusia with more weight than usual for me.  I wasn't "maxing out" or anything like that, but I felt good and wanted to increase the weight I had been using.  While I don't remember exactly how much water I drank before the workout, my guess is maybe a small glass of water along with the typical cup of coffee that I have in the morning.  And it's entirely possible that I only had a cup of coffee.

I remember looking up at the clock above the treadmills at Turning Pointe thinking that Amber's exercise class should be wrapping up - and I'm pretty sure that's when my TGA event started.  From that moment at about 6:00 a.m. until about noon, I'm only able to recall "flashes" of things that occurred.  The best way I can describe it is an awareness of "losing time", as that's how I was trying to describe it to Amber just before we called her mom who was a former nurse and then calling up 911 for some help. 

I remember a discussion about pajamas, sitting at the kitchen table telling Amber something wasn't right, the name pin on the deputy that responded to the 911 call, the new EMT entering the ambulance at the transition point, the garage at the hospital, the face of the doctor, the shaking hands of my ER nurse...in retrospect, it's almost like everything I was really concentrating hard on I can remember a flash of it, but my automatic gathering of memories that usually seems to naturally occur without effort wasn't functioning, like that switch of my brain was just turned off.

The switch seemed to be turned back on when I was completing the MRI at the hospital.  And along with the short term automatic memory returning, I was aware of a headache, like the feeling of a hangover from too much alcohol.  (A feeling I haven't had in quite some time because I really don't drink much anymore.)

All of the tests came back normal - blood work, EKG, CTscan, MRI - all normal.  The ER doctor sent me home, after my $150.00 debit card charge for my share of the ER experience.  She told me the even might happen again or it might not.  She told me to take it easy for the rest of the day but to return to normal activities and not be concerned...she said it just happens sometimes to folks - usually in their 50's or older after some type of stress situation to the body and/or brain.

So no aneurism, no stroke, no brain cancer...just a little episode of TGA.  I haven't had any episodes since, but I have tried to be more aware of hydration level, and amount of weight I'm using when/if I'm in the weight room.  I'll keep you posted.

There Is Room For It All

It's Christmas morning!  Merry Christmas to all!

I was thinking recently about the differing perspectives on Christmas...the proverbial debate over the "true meaning" of Christmas.  I got to thinking...isn't there room for it all?  Yes, Christmas has become commercialized with Black Friday shopping now starting before Thanksgiving, and Christmas music on Mix 96 starting the day after Halloween, and Christmas store displays appearing even before that.  And, no, Christmas should be ALL about getting presents.

And yes, Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ for Christians and is celebrated in different ways by different cultures and religions.  We indeed should observe that meaning of Christmas in the respective ways of our culture and/or religious backgrounds.

But isn't there room for all of it?  Can't it be okay to celebrate the seriousness of the birth of the Christ child with the whimsical fun of Santa with the hustle-and-bustle of Christmas shopping for a gift for a loved one or friend?  I think there indeed is room for all of it.

There is room for setting a budget and gift giving; there is room for church service and observance; there's room for Hallmark movies with family; there is room for ripping open gifts with children and grandchildren; there is room for spiced egg nog and Christmas carols.  ALL OF IT IS IMPORTANT, and as we age the birth of Christ can be enjoyed right along with The Polar Express.

So it's Christmas, and enjoy the day and the yearly experience for all of the reasons - the fun and the solemn - because it's all good and there is room for it all!

Cultural Competency Finale

So my final day of professional development training in what I now forever will call cultural competency was last Friday, and for me was the least meaningful of the three days.  For most of the day, the presenter helped the audience to see the steps to have systemic application of the concepts for a school wide or school district wide implementation - a school improvement effort if you will.

The problem is that in school districts the size of Rockridge, a sustained school improvement effort is virtually impossible.  The main issues as I see them is lack of funding and turnover.  Lack of funding is fairly obvious...not enough money is thrown at the effort to create a lasting implementation.  Turnover results in part to the frequent turnover of state mandates.  The mandate that comes from state leaders this year will be gone next year, only to be replaced by a different or "improved" mandate the next year.  Another turnover issue, though, also involves school boards, principals, and superintendents.  At a school district of our size, those folks just aren't around for too long.  Our principal is now is more of the abnormal than the norm.  Administrators and school board members are normally around 3-5 years, and then its a new set of philosophies that emerge that think the last school improvement needs changed to something better.

So between lack of funding and turnover, real sustained improvement really is in the hands of the classroom teachers that value a particular emphasis.  And when I retire, my replacement may have a completely different take on the value of cultural competency.

On the other hand, I really enjoyed this professional development series.  It confirmed some ideas for me and gave me some new ideas to mull over.  I had a chance to hear others speak and see an awesome presenter carefully turn a group of educators mostly unfamiliar with each other into folks who were willing to share views and feelings and ideas - often about very difficult topics.

If that's the last formal professional development I attend before I retire, it was a good one to end on.

December Random Thoughts

I weighed 213.4 lbs. this morning...a new low since starting intermittent fasting last February.  I'm feeling great on the basketball court; I don't have the aches and pains, I'm not as winded trying to keep up with the kids, and I just feel more positive and energetic.  I'm now actually concentrating on trying to get faster.  My basketball officiating schedule has been brutal to start December, and I'm surviving and very pleased.  The daily stretching routine and trying to get some strength training in 2-3 times a week is also contributing.

School improvement frustrates the hell out of me.  I've been in this profession most of my life, and I just don't understand what has to be so challenging.  It's a big, big project if its run poorly and too much is attempted to be tackled.  It's a very simple and rewarding project if it's just kept small and specific.  Our high school was labeled an exemplary school, but we are now going through school improvement - apparently in three areas - data decision making, school climate, and curriculum mapping.  We had a half day Wednesday, and it was a total waste of time - nothing was accomplished that hadn't been tried before.  Yes, data can be used to drive instruction, but the data has to be credible and reliable.  Yes, data can lead to discussions, but the data has to be credible and reliable.  Yes, teachers can use data to get to know their students better and more efficiently create groupings and generate differentiated remediation support, but THE DAMN DATA HAS TO BE CREDIBLE AND RELIABLE!  So step one is to determine the best way to make the data be as credible and reliable as possible and then figure out a way to assess how credible and reliable it might be.  And after that is completed, the other parts of the process can be started.  Did I mention the data has to be credible and reliable? 

Christmas isn't far away, and I'm fairly ready which is nice.  I've got a lot of shopping completed, the tree and the lights are up, and I'm enjoying the Christmas music of the season.  I might get some shopping in today.

I have my last day of professional development with cultural competency - at least that's what I'm calling it.  I've enjoyed it and grown from it.  Now, I hope I can just help my students more than I perhaps have done in the past.  I'll post a new blog entry when I'm through.

I haven't written much because I honestly try to avoid writing rants (sorry about the school improvement rant above).  I'd like these blog to be positive, and I'll keep trying.

Oh...I'd really appreciate the "extra" things in my life to not break - like Amber's car, the stove, the tire on the truck that seems to be leaking.  I can get it all done, but I'd really appreciate an opportunity to maybe get ahead of the game of life rather than just trying to struggle to keep up.  Maybe that's a Christmas wish!

Potential Mission Statement ... So Far

After day 2 of Understanding Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, this is what I have so far.

Mission - Engage and equip others in our school to increase cultural competency and decrease intentional and unintentional intolerance, bias, or blind spots; resulting in our students' increased ability to more effectively contribute within their home communities, post-secondary training paths, and eventual career workplace settings.

Is Intolerance Just a "Blind Spot" For Some Folks?

     Day 2 of a professional development seminar took place at the ROE last Thursday.  One thing that was discussed early in the day was the idea of "blind spots".  I kept wondering to myself if the use of the term blind spot was a nice way to spin prejudice and discrimination.  I kept wondering if using the label "blink spot" was accurate.  Since last Thursday, I find myself feeling a little mixed on the notion.
     I believe if the intolerance genuinely is innocent ignorance, then using the label of "blind spot" may be accurate and helpful to an examination, discussion, or analysis of how discrimination or prejudice may exist.  In thinking about our own school, I'm confident we have students with "blind spots".  In fact, an important part of the message on Thursday is that we ALL have blind spots as humans, and that we shouldn't beat ourselves up over that reality.
     If the intolerance, though, is an intentional intolerance after having an opportunity to explore possible blind spots, then the label no longer seems to be appropriate.  The intolerance then seems to be legitimate discrimination and/or prejudice.  I expressed at the end of the day that I truly believe that we are making positive strides towards improved cultural competency and improved acceptance of others, but my fear was that the folks with intolerance seem to hold more intensity in their feelings.
     What brings me to think about this is that on Thursday evening, I was asked by another teacher to co-sponsor our new RHS Minority Club.  I still am not sure as an older white male that I'm a perfect fit for the role, but I genuinely do want to be helpful if I can be.  And I think having a discussion with the members of the club about "blind spots" that exist in our school will be helpful to the members and potentially helpful to our school.
     A big part of the Day 2 training also discussed ways for schools or organizations to attempt to eliminate bias.  I admit that I'm still working to wrap my brain around that concept, even though I believe I understand the definition of bias.  Maybe a little fear exists in my brain that more bias is in there whether or realize it or not, so maybe it's a good thing I get to explore that a little further.  Perhaps the minority club can help me see that a bit more.
     A bit of a controversy for the Minority Club is deciding who can be welcomed into the club and who cannot.  Apparently, at the last meeting, some students visited who didn't seem sincere.  In fact, I know there were some students that attended because they felt offended.  While these students didn't express themselves out loud, I think they felt wronged that a minority club could exist and be accepted when a "majority club" might be frowned upon.
     I'm interested to see where all of this can lead to help all of our students improve their cultural competency!

Tomorrow Is Annual Physical Day!

     It's a good idea to get an annual physical, right?  Admittedly, tomorrow's physical has me feeling more optimistic over previous years.  When I turned 50, it occurred to me that it was time to start monitoring my health more closely, so while I knew the news wouldn't be great, it was time for me to "face the music".
     And the first physical wasn't so great.  Dr. Wang informed me that I needed to lose some weight and that it was time to get a colonoscopy.  Fortunately, the blood work and urinalysis didn't show any serious concerns, which was good news.  The colonoscopy showed three polyps that weren't serious, but instead of another one scheduled in five years, my next one was scheduled for three years.  (And I think that will be next year...damn.)  I did get to talk to the doctor about my knee problems, and I started a medication geared toward relieving the pain in my knee caused by arthritis.
     And last year's news really wasn't so great either.  My weight had not decreased, and while my "numbers" weren't awful, they weren't great either.  I was still taking the Meloxocam for my aching knee, and the "spare tire" around my mid-section was increasing.  Dr. Wang once again courteously told me that I really could benefit from losing some weight.
     Now it's 2019, and I'm enthusiastic about tomorrow's visit.  I know I have more weight to lose and more health benefits to pursue, but my weight is down a little, I haven't taken Meloxocam since June, and I'm feeling better.  I already received a call on this year's blood and urine results, and the report I received was "normal".  I'm hoping, then, that the rest of the numbers tomorrow also show a more positive trend then past physicals.  While I don't expect Dr. Wang to dance a jig of joy and excitement, I hope to avoid "the look" and reminder about dropping weight.

UPDATE
     So I attribute the "new me" to intermittent fasting, getting some work done on my knee at Frontline Spine and Sport, and a morning stretch/yoga routine.  I've since added a couple of other "healthy aspects" that have seemed to help. 
     First, I'm getting down to Turning Point and completing a couple of multi-joint strength training exercises I use to do regularly "back in the day".  I'm getting three sets of bench press and three sets of squats completed 2-3 times a week.  While I think I should be doing more, this recent addition is a good step toward doing more strength training work.
     Also, I've added an "ab routine" to the morning yoga/stretch routine.  It's a little 10-minute ab workout which is very tiring.  In fact, the first few times, I really had to adapt the routine to my very weak core.  I'm getting stronger, and I'm noticing that the increased core strength seems to be helping me on the basketball court to officiate better.  I feel stronger, and my knee seems to hurt less.
     Of course, it's not surprising that increased core strength would assist me feeling better.  I know from experience and all the research that fitness starts with the core, but core work is HARD!  I'm trying to stick with it, though.  I think I'm getting 5-7 routines completed each week, and I think I've been at it now for about a month. 
     These two items have not really had an impact on weight loss.  I seem to be hovering around 219-222, and I have been there for awhile.  That's okay because I haven't been doing a lot of exercising and expect the exercise amount to increase now that basketball officiating season is here.  I'll keep you updated!

Ohh...Yaa..Basketball IS HERE!

     Alright, so technically, I've been officiating some basketball in recent weeks - youth and junior high girls.  A couple of nights, though, I was flipping through the channels on the television, and Nebraska was playing UC Riverside.  Initially, I thought it was an exhibition game, which wasn't a bad thing, but then I flipped to ESPN, and Duke was playing Kansas.
     I thought to myself, "Why would ESPN being running past games in prime-time, but then I remembered commercials earlier in the week advertising for this championship night at Madison Square Garden.  And then it hit me! BASKETBALL IS HERE! 
     I'm sure in a previous post I have mentioned my passion for the game, and in that post, I probably explained that I really don't know why I have such an intense love for the game.  I'm guessing if I did a psychological analysis of my childhood and all the influences on the planet that intervened at particular moments I might be able to postulate some hypothesis (yes, trying to sound scientific there).
     But forget the postulations and analyses, I just want to watch it, be around it, officiate it, talk about it, play it.  (And I really, really wish I could play, but I'm afraid of my knee and my weight.) It's HERE; it's HERE; it's HERE!  And now that it is here, this is really my last weekend of much downtime.  After this weekend...pending snow days...I won't go two days in a row without officiating somewhere at some level until late February.  And there will be times when I'm out there in officiatingville that I will begin to get road-weary, but for now, I'm eager to get it started.
     So let it all begin!

Putting A Label On The Skill - An Early Morning Ramble

I attended a professional development workshop yesterday that was hosted at the ROE and presented Mr. Alfred Ramirez, and now it's 5 a.m. on a Saturday, and I can't sleep because I have too many thoughts running through my brain.  I'm not sure if recording these thoughts now will get me back to sleep if I'm able to drain my brain into this digital message, but it's okay if I'm a little extra tired today.

Mr. Ramirez presented the first part of a three-part workshop which I can best describe as helping people better appreciate and promote diversity.  Yesterday, what hit me hardest was a label that was new for me - cultural competency.  Ramirez defined cultural competency to mean "the ability to navigate and relate effectively in a society of cultural variation."

I have to admit here that I decided to attend this particular workshop because I'm entering the end of my teaching career, and I really don't want to participate in another English or SAT prep workshop at this particular time, and I cringe when I'm confronted with what I affectionately call the "rednecks" and their limited view of other cultures and races.  In fact, I humbly admit that when I hear about some mass shooting somewhere in the world, I literally think to myself that that particular person somewhere sat in a high school and completed coursework with teachers.  I wonder how I would feel if a mass shooting involved one of my former students, and I had felt signs even then with that student of her/his racism and didn't do enough about it.

This label of cultural competency, though, is something I've been thinking about for a long time, and it's something I've been working on while I didn't exactly have a name for it.  In fact, I do want my students to possess cultural competency; I do want them to be able to navigate and relate effectively in a society that may include cultural variation if their post-secondary training options take them that direction.

And what's important...it's okay if their post-secondary options don't take them to cultural variation.  If their life takes them in a direction that doesn't include cultural variety, that's okay.  This is something that also arose in yesterday's workshop; we shouldn't feel guilty or awkward if our community or our workplace for us doesn't necessarily include cultural variety.  The important aspect is that if our community or workplace develops variety, then we should have the skills and comfort to "navigate" and "relate". 

(As a side note I would also add that even if our home, family, community, and workplace don't have cultural variation, we should be open to and seek out opportunities to keep our cultural competency "skilled" and ready for use.)

I think I got sidetracked in this blog, so let me return....

I want my students to have cultural competency; I want them to be able to navigate and relate in a society of cultural variation, so they are prepared if and when variety develops in their lives.

AND THE MAGIC QUESTION IS....how do I do that?  I'm a white male with very little diversity experience.  I teach in a school district with virtually no cultural diversity.  (We were reminded yesterday that a lot of diversity exists everywhere, even if little or no cultural diversity exists.)  I live in a community with virtually no cultural diversity.  

Another sidetrack....I have often wondered how our world might be better off if rather than four years of required English, we instead had three years of required English and one year of a required high school course that included content on good parenting.  Why not have a course on cultural competency?  In fact, I'm even okay with a semester of good parenting and a semester of cultural competency.  Wouldn't our world be a better place if we helped students learn good parenting skills and cultural competency skills?  Maybe we would have fewer mass shootings if we focused on these things and not increasing the number of guns needed.

So for the next few weeks, I'm going to concentrate on trying to find ways to continue increasing the cultural competency of students.  I already try to push multicultural books.  I can also continue to do the following

- journal topics

- passages I use for SAT style reading practice

- prompts I use for SAT style essay practice

- continue indigenous people literature and slave literature units

And now the big one and perhaps most challenging - bring non-white guests into the classroom.  And perhaps the "topic" is .... "Help my culturally incompetent students become just a little more competent by sharing yourself - your story and your concerns, anxiety, and excitement for our world today."  

That's something that Mr. Ramirez started out with yesterday.  It took over two hours for everyone to introduce themselves, but one of the questions he had everyone write down to share with the group was "What concerns, anxiety or excitement do you have?"  The reason this question was included was to show us that despite any and all differences we might have, we all share some common concerns, anxiety, and excitement.  And when we are able to better recognize our similarities, we then can better "navigate" and "relate" to each other.

Can I find folks that would be willing to share themselves five times in a school day?  Would they be interested and willing to share their stories and concerns, anxiety, and excitement to help us - students and me - increase our cultural competency skills?

Honestly and perhaps selfishly that's one area of disappointment I had yesterday - most of the attendants at the conference were white middle-aged folks, just like me and there were NO other teachers from rural school districts.  (That really depressed me.)  One weird realization, though, was that a "concern" from all of the other attendants was a difficulty in getting more diversity in the teaching staffs at the various school districts.  They expressed concern that while their student populations had more diversity than their teaching staffs, and that they wished they could increase diversity in the teaching staffs.

I'm looking forward to meeting again with Mr. Ramirez in a few weeks.

WOTA...Just What the Doctor Ordered

A few years back, a parent of a student suggested I might enjoy attending a WOTA meeting - a group of area folks with an interest in writing.  Writers On The Avenue meets in Muscatine a couple of times a month; they have a website; and they are a group that offers a variety of events for writers.  FINALLY, I was able to attend a meeting last night.  It just seemed like other monthly meetings always had some type of conflict, usually I was officiating or umpiring somewhere.

With the awkwardness of kid making his way to a new school, I sheepishly found my way to Room 17 via some help by the gentleman at the help desk of the Musser Library.  It made perfect sense that he would half to walk me to the basement of the building past stacks of books to get me to Room 17, and there I saw two men and two women casually talking.  My latest email informed me that a business meeting took place at 5:30 p.m., but then the meeting of the group that welcomed visitors then started at 6:00 p.m.

While I read from my book outside the room, I quickly determined that there wasn't much "business" being discussed, so I gently knocked on the door and asked if visitors were now welcome.  The four welcomed me and suggested I could join them, and pretty soon three other men entered the group.

There were some informational items and introductions, and then everyone shared (everyone except me) something that they had recently written.  I later found out that a group of words was generated at each meeting, and those words were then the launching point for a piece of writing to craft and share at the next meeting.

The experience was awesome.  In my teaching now, I pretty much have to battle students to write, and because my focus is on the SAT, creative writing is pretty much non-existent in my coursework.  But here at my fingertips were adults that were not only passionate about writing but also demonstrating a love for words and the power words could offer.

I'm not sure if I will ever go back, but only because I don't know the next time my schedule will allow me to return.  I did, though, get a chance to experience WRITERS, and my heart and soul bounced a little when I left having been around folks that had courage to submit their efforts to others and had a desire to share and appreciate other works. 

My mind took me forward to the possibility of exploring my own writing interests after I retire or perhaps looking into an opportunity to teach in college as an adjunct instructor.  The evening, in the short time of a little over an hour, was inspirational...just the treatment for this old teacher growing sometimes weary of the daily battle in NE10.

I'm Feeling It Now

I always told myself and everyone else, I would teach until I died in my chair in the classroom.  Then this past summer I started to seriously think about retirement.  Then I went to a retirement meeting and really started thinking about it.  And now, I'm feeling it.

I hear officials and umpires tell me that they never want to retire when they really need to.  They never really want someone to tell them that it's time to retire.  I completely understand that, and I agree.  Lately, I've been thinking about the same thing with teaching.  On the other hand, I haven't just been thinking it; I've been feeling it.

Maybe it's me just getting old, but it seems to me that students are getting more arrogant.  They exude this cockiness that appears to state that I'm too old for them to really be a benefit to them.  I'm sure I did the same thing as a teenage student with teachers I had that were nearing the end of their career.  I'm not suggesting that I was better at that age.  Or maybe they have always been this way, and I'm just sensing it more.  I'd like to believe that because I'm so experienced that students should really listen to what I'm telling them - not because I'm smarter - because I just have been through it.

So in the ever nearer distance, I'm feeling retirement.  I think I want to be available for my parents, for my grandchildren, and I really don't want to go out needing to retire.  I want to retire before that time, when I still have something of value left to give but don't overdo it.

We Are Missing THE BIG PICTURE

The students I'm working with, overall, have either lost or never developed two big ticket items - an appreciation for the reading process and appreciation for the writing process.  And developing appreciation for those things now as 11th-grade students is very challenging.  In our efforts to educate our kids, I think too many times we teachers focus on "our stuff" and forget about the "big stuff".  Maybe we don't think there is time to just read or just write, or maybe we never ourselves developed an appreciation for reading and/or writing.

I've said for my entire career, that I wonder how much I could improve performance scores if all we did in class was read and write.  And as I've aged, that's pretty much what I find myself doing with my lesson plans - focusing my efforts on students consistently reading and writing and trying my best to foster an interest in those two big ticket things.

It's a battle I've waged my entire career, and my energy level seems to drop each and every year.  I'm trying...I'm really trying.

It Just Depends On The Time Of Day

Perhaps I have discussed something similar before, but I find something interesting about the personalities of my English III sections.  Keep in mind that I teach six periods a day out of seven.  In those six periods, I teach English III five times.  And while it's true that two of those sections are officially titled Advanced English III and two of the sections are titled English III, the content of the sections is mostly the same.  (My approach is sometimes different, and sometimes options of assignments are different as well as expectations of those assignments.)  So for all practical matters, though, English III is English III - junior English - focused on foundations of American literature, preparation for the SAT, and exploration of post-secondary training paths.  Here's a rundown of the personalities, though, of each section.

1st period - quiet, sometimes to the point where I wonder if they are teenagers - this group includes no band members because band is first period
2nd period - quiet, but occasional flares of life and energy...appear to be waking up
3rd period - brightest eyes, participate fully, ready to go - easiest group to work with all day
4th period - talkative and energetic but eagerly awaiting lunch period - this group includes several "vocational" kids, because they go to our Area Career Center for technical training courses
5th period - none - my prep period, and in the HISTORY of teaching at Rockridge this is the best period to have as prep because lunch is served in three time periods during 5th period.  No matter how the rest of the day may be shortened or lengthened, 5th period is always in tact, so I NEVER lose my prep period.  Sometimes I think paying the school district just to have 5th period prep would be well worth it.
6th period - (only six students, and it's public speaking)
7th period - most talkative group of the day because it's the last period of the day, and usually a lot of band and chorus kids

And this is how it goes each day!  And pretty much from year-to-year....that's how it goes.  The personality of the sections is dictated by time of day, time of lunch, band first period, and ACC in the afternoon.  And for the record...there is no "favorite"...they are all great kids (for the most part); they just require different levels of energy and approach from me!

Home Sweet Home

Last night, I officiated my first basketball game of the 19-20 season, as I hadn't been on the court since July.  That date last night was an important one because returning to the court would give me some feedback on the levels of progress I have made in regards to strengthening my right knee and just general health since dropping some weight.  Admittedly, I was a little nervous.  What if I still had so much pain in the knee that I needed to return to medication for the pain?  What if I still felt heavy?  Would that sabotage my mental approach to continuing my efforts to get to a healthier goal weight?

The verdict wasn't "happily ever after", but it also wasn't "gloom and doom."  The feedback actually is a little questionable because Sunday I actually went to a gym and completed some light squats and bench press, which is something I hadn't done in a long while.  In addition, yesterday morning I was back in that same gym completing a bicycle workout at 5 a.m.  With all that in mind, my legs and body weren't exactly completely rested to officiate girls junior high basketball - a sport that features a lot of stops.

During the game, my knee hurt, especially the inside of my knee where the most arthritis has accumulated.  To be honest, I'm not sure about the shoes I'm wearing, so that could also contribute to some of the problem.  The Zigs I'm wearing feel like they have high arches, and common sense tells me they are putting more pressure on the inside of my knees that perhaps other shoes would.  I'm going to try a different pair of shoes that I ordered online last week.  I think these new shoes will have more motion stability and lower arches, which I'm hoping will alleviate some pressure.

I didn't take any Tylenol last night, though.  I basically just dealt with the pain I was feeling, but the pain really wasn't awful.  This morning both knees were achy, but I didn't feel the sharp pain that I feared might appear.  While I didn't exercise this morning to take a break, I did my usual morning yoga stretch routine, and that helped me feel a little better.

As far as physical shape, I didn't feel out of breath, which was a positive.  It was hot in the gym, and my clothes definitely felt "looser".  In fact, I did have to tighten my adjustable pants quite a bit, which made me feel good.  That adjustment was a clear signal that I have shrunk my waist since the end of basketball season last year.  Also, my XXL shirt did feel looser.  I didn't feel as fast or quick as I had hoped, but my legs likely were at least somewhat fatigued from the recent strength training exercises and bike workouts.

I head to the chiro today after school for another treatment on my knee.  I know I'm gaining more flexibility, and I know the pain isn't as bad as it was last year, plus I still haven't taken any Meloxocam since June.  I feel like I just need to stay the course because I know there is improvement in my health, which will help me feel better about being able to officiate.  The "course" of a combination of regular yoga stretching, intermittent fasting to drop weight, and the treatments at the chiro are moving me forward to a healthier place.  I don't feel like I'm 35 again just yet, but I'm closer than I was six months ago.

I Got In A 5K This Morning!

Back "in the day" I use to participate in all sorts of runs - 5K, 10K half-marathon, marathon, ultra-marathon, trail run.  For the past few years, though, my running has been non-existent.  I developed arthritis in my right knee, and there were times a couple of years ago I had trouble just going for a walk.  I kept umpiring and officiating, but I was only able to do that by popping Advil or Tylenol to kill the pain enough to make it.  Then, when that wasn't enough, I went to the doctor, and he prescribed me Meloxocam, which at the time he told me was similar to those medications.

So this morning, I ran a 5K...okay, honestly, running 3.2 miles on the track at RHS in a blistering time of 45:39 is not exactly running.  I'm positive many folks can walk faster than that 15-minute per mile pace.  And "running" on a track isn't quite the same as running on streets or pavement with hills. 

Still, it was 3.2 miles, and I wasn't "walking", so I'm counting it as an accomplishment.

Losing weight has helped; I believe my change in eating habits has helped; doing a little simple yoga routine each morning has helped; and trying some therapy on my knee from Dr. Moreno at Frontline Sport and Spine has helped.  I've had two treatments so far, and they have me doing some simple strength and flexibility exercises on my own each day.  I wouldn't say I feel miraculously cured, but whatever he's doing with that little platinum credit-card-looking thing he uses to scrape my knee seems to be easing the acute pain I was previously experiencing.

In my mind, my improvements are probably a combination of all of them, so I just need to stay the course, be patient, and see how much I can improve and what I need to develop as a regular daily/weekly routine to attempt to help myself out.  I'm not in the middle of basketball season, so I admittedly may have to go back to Tylenol or the Meloxocam if the acute pain does return, but for now I like where I'm headed.

Going To Church; I Just Want To Be A Spectator Participant - Is That Wrong?

So getting to church service on Sunday mornings is problematic for me during the summer months.  I umpire a lot of softball, and with grandchildren now, Amber and I find ourselves with little ones on Sunday mornings.  While I don't keep track of my attendance, I'm pretty sure I haven't attended service all summer long.  I miss it - sort of.  I really miss seeing the efforts of Pastor Paul, I miss the positive messages and music, and I miss seeing the other members of the church.  The "sort of" is that I don't want to LEAD. 

Let me try to explain this.

When I'm umpiring or officiating, my role is to manage and lead and be helpful.  Players, coaches, fans, umpiring/officiating partners look to me with expectations that I will perform my role of management and leadership to help the game or contest move along positively.  When I'm teaching, students, parents, staff, administrators look to me with expectations that I will again perform my role of management and leadership to help students improve their skills and ability. 

I signed up for those expectations when I decided to officiate, umpire, and teach.  I get it.

In addition, my wife, family, and friends also occasionally look to me to expect that I will perform the role of husband, dad, sibling, family member, and friend and help them with their lives too.

I "signed up" to be a husband, and family and friends deserve my efforts to help lead when I'm needed and available and able to do so.  I get that too, and I feel honored to be able to give back to those folks for all of the blessings I've enjoyed because of them.

After I met Amber, she encouraged me to explore the church I currently belong to.  Amber and I were married in the church, and met and developed a friendship with the pastor, and as he and Amber encouraged me to do so, I became a member.  I did so with hesitation because I already am stretched pretty far in terms of available time, energy, and money resources.

And despite my best attempts to simply be a spectator and passive participant, I soon was being asked to be a liturgist and eventually found my way onto a committee.  Those things don't require a great deal of time and energy, but they were things in addition to my already normal hectic daily schedule.

I'm struggling with the feeling that while I miss the positive things about church service, I don't miss the potential expectations to lead something - be a liturgist, join another committee, participate in some fundraising event, sing some type of song, etc...  If I am able to attend service, I just want to enjoy it.  I will make a generous contribution to the offering, but I just want to spectate.  I want to go to the "concert" to watch and sing and learn something.  I don't want to go to the concert and be asked to participate or asked to do something else.

Here's the rub.  I know the church needs a certain number of people to do more than just be a member; do more than just show up occasionally at a service; do more than just spectate and contribute to the offering.  There is NO WAY the church accomplishes what it does without more help - without more leadership.

I feel guilty, and I feel like I'm not upholding expectations of being a member of the church.  I feel like I should be willing to do more or not be a member at all.  That's what I'm struggling with.

The Trek Ride Is Relaxing...Here's Why

Several years ago, one of my great friends Greg Wolf connected me with a friend of his that was selling a bicycle.  It's a Trek, and it's what I would call a "hybrid".  It's not a fat tire mountain bike, and it's not a lean road bike.  For me, it can be a bit of a trail bike and a bit of a road bike, which makes it the perfect EXERCISE BIKE.

With more time on my hands, I've been able to saddle up and ride more recently.  Yesterday, I had to tinker a bit with the right pedal that seemed to be clicking at the top of my pedal stroke, and I've added some little storage accessories to carry my phone wallet, spare tire tube, a few tools, etc...  This morning, the click in the pedal was gone, so that was nice.  And as I was riding, I was trying to explore just why riding this bike is fun for me.  

First, because it's a hybrid bike, it can travel fairly quickly.  Obviously, I'm not going to be any Tour de France participants, but there's something about pedaling down the road at a quick pace that makes it fun.  Of course, I can't seem to get up early enough to beat the wind that seems to pick up steam just when I get out on the road.  Usually, in my area, the wind is blowing from the south in the summer, which means the start and finish to my ride are nice, but in between is the wind.

Second, there's something about the sound the bike makes that is relaxing.  The sound is mechanical, but it's a quiet sort of "whir" that almost matches the breeze.  At my age feeling like I'm exercising with the feel and the sound of a strong but quiet machine is energetic and inspiring.

Third, my knees appreciate the low-impact workout.  I've tortured my knees over the years through sports, marathons, trail runs, road races, and ultra distance events.  And it wasn't that long ago, that my knee pain was so great that I could barely take a walk around town.  I know my heart rate doesn't get as high while bicycling as it does in running or even swimming, but exercising relatively pain-free feels like freedom.

Fourth, other than the purchase of the bicycle, which I think at the time was a couple hundred dollars, bicycling is an inexpensive recreational activity.  I do always wear a helmet, and I have a pair of gloves and some sun glasses.  And generally, I wear bright reflective clothing.  Because I don't have special shoes, I just wear my tennis shoes with the standard bicycle pedals.  None of those things cost much money.

Admittedly, living in a rural area helps where I can ride.  My county and township roads have very little traffic unless some trucks are rolling into the grain elevator or I don't time a Sunday morning ride very well, and people are heading to the church service in town.  Also, there are bike paths nearby in the Quad Cities that are easy to get to and enjoyable.  I just need to get my truck back, so transporting the bike is easier.

I'm looking forward to building up my strength and endurance to eventually take a longer ride.  I use to do that...put some supplies in a backpack and head off in a direction and just go.  I need to get some more hours in and keep losing some weight, though, before I'm ready for that.

Pool Days Are Great...Not Sure Sometimes About the Long Term Value

So if you were to drive by our house, you might incorrectly assume that the Bizarri's are wealthy.  Honestly, if I didn't know better and were to drive by my house, I would think that.  The most notable attribute to that conclusion is the pool that sits in the back yard and is viewable from our neighborhood street.  From all appearances, it looks great.  And to be again honest, since I've known Amber, we have put some effort and money into the pool - landscaping, a heater, a new liner, additional patio room, lights on the gazebo, etc...  If I may so, it looks nice.

And when the weather supplies a good ole typical midwest summer day with heat and humidity, floating in the pool is AWESOME.  And since I've been able to lose a little weight and add some exercise to my life, using the pool to swim or to water run is also very convenient and saves money on membership to an activity center or YMCA.  Another factor is that we are able to invite others to the pool that often help Amber and me out with various things - particularly my mom and Amber's mom and dad.  When they join us, and they are able to relax and enjoy the pool, I appreciate the pool even more for them.

So those are the good things.  Did I mention that maintenance of that dang pool is pretty much a part-time job - particularly keeping chlorine levels adequate, backwashing the filter, and vacuuming our dirt and other particles that find their way into the pool?  And did I mention that regular supplies like chemical and occasional items like new motors, a new heater, and a liner are quite expensive?  I don't think I would be stretching the truth too far to suggest that we probably spend around $2,000 a summer on the pool.  Then there is the periodic switch of filter sand or the need for a new chlorinator or leveling out the paving brick on the south side of the pool.  Those jobs aren't much fun - at all.

Another important fact...use of the pool sometimes begin in May if Mother Nature cooperates.  We try to open it earlier than that to minimize opening costs, but actually using the pool does require decent weather unless the heater is used a lot.  And because I umpire a lot in June, I only really use the pool regularly in July.  As August rolls around, by mid-month it's time to go back to work with my teaching job.  With those things in mind, my "window" of regular use of the pool is about six weeks.  With Mother Nature's cooperation, use of the pool can extend into September, and then by the end of October, we are winterizing the pool, attaching the cover, and putting her to bed for the winter months.

So is it worth it?  I think I am going to try to get more use out of the pool to help me feel better about all the money, time, and effort that is expended.  Plus, I'm trying to invite friends, neighbors, and family over more often for others to get more use.  For my own peace of mind, I'm just going to try to slow my life down and simply work harder to enjoy the pool when I'm in it.  Maybe through al of these ways, I'll feel better about its worthiness!

A Very Little Triathlon

So a long time ago in a far-away land, I dabbled in triathlons.  No, not the Ironman versions, even though I vaguely remember dreaming about attempting to complete something like that at one time in my life.  And no, I'm not an experienced triathlon participant.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I've only participated in three - all of the short "sprint" variety. 

Still, I REALLY enjoyed triathlon training and participating.  First off, there is something about having a number written in marker on you that seems empowering.  I wonder if it is how some people feel about getting a tattoo.  Next, for most people, swimming for a distance, even a short distance, is scary.  And most sprint triathlons in our area start with a swim in a lake, which isn't crystal clear.  So swimming in a murky lake is vastly different than training in a pool.  The other scary part of the swim is the "traffic".  Staying a float and maintaining a swim stroke for a distance is challenging enough...having fifty other people around you doing the same thing is even more challenging.  Picture yourself trying to swim with other arms and legs striking you in the back, the legs, and even your head.  Beyond the swim, the biking portion is fun, but you quickly learn that the sport becomes expensive when it comes to the bike.  Those lightweight speed demon bikes aren't cheap.  Most biking portions aren't too challenging...course descriptions generally use the words "rolling hills".  Finally, there is the "RUN".  If you are/were a casual participant, the word run is just a descriptive word.  Attempting to run after bicycling 20 miles is like trying to move with your feet in cement blocks.  Running, in this sense, feels like slow motion.

And why do I share all of this?  Because since having some time off from umpiring and officiating, I've "dabbled" again.  No, I'm not signed up for any event.  No, I'm not sure I will ever again sign up for an event.  But since we have a pool at our house, and I still have a bike, I thought I would create my own little course and give it a whirl.  So I broke down and purchased online a couple pair of triathlon shorts (butt pad for the bike seat included), and I've now completed three "events".  Yesterday, I swam 8 "laps" in my pool (which obviously isn't much), I rode my bike for about 52 minutes, and then ran about a mile.

To even be able to do this is an improvement in my health.  I've lost a little weight, and I've been working at completing some simple stretch/yoga each day to help with flexibility.  Honestly, I was at a point a couple of years ago where completing a walk around Edgington was a struggle, so being able to participate in this type of exercise has been rejuvenating.  There's still something about combining the events that is challenging, yet fun.

So tomorrow is my fourth event.  Instead of participating in the Bix 7 - which I hope to participate in again someday - I'm going to complete another triathlon - JBiz style here in Edgington.  I think I'm going to try to swim 10 "laps", complete the 53-minute bike ride again, but I think I'm going to try to go for a 2-mile run.  I use to be able to complete the Bix in around an hour, so I think if I complete everything tomorrow in 90-120 minutes, that will be good.

D.C. Was Great!

I don't have much time as I'm writing this, but I thought I would start the post.  My first trip to D.C. was about a week ago, and I went as a chaperone for a group of RJHS 8th graders on a school trip.  I will eventually add to this, but my three favorite sites were Ford Theater, Lincoln Memorial, and Washington's Mt. Vernon plantation.

7-25-19

Okay, I now have a little time to expand on this, and to be honest, I feel like writing a little today - perhaps because it's raining out; perhaps because I have gotten a lot of little "to-do" things done around the house this week; and perhaps because I've read all of my summer books I purchased.

D.C. had a some profound effects on me.  Let me share a few.

1) The absence of Indigenous American tributes.  In the time we were in D.C., we didn't see any.  I'm sure they exist somewhere, but if I put myself in the perspective of an Indigenous American, and I look around and see what I see, I imagine I can't be disappointed.  For example, we visited the Holocaust Museum, and it was AMAZING.  A lot of design, planning, effort, money, and vision was put into that memorial so that visitors could learn and experience and hopefully develop a better appreciation of the event.  How many people were dislocated and systematically killed off by the Hitler and his Nazi Party?  Didn't the United States perform something similar with Indigenous people?  Didn't actions like the Indian Removal Act intentionally and systematically dislocate thousands of humans?  So I suppose opponents would argue that Andrew Jackson, though, didn't load these folks in cattle cars and execute them in gas chambers; therefore, the U.S. can't be compared to Nazi Germany.  History does reveal, though, that instead of loading them up and executing them, the U.S. moved them to remote and unwanted (at the time) desert lands and virtually let them fend for themselves to survive.  The U.S. provided a "show" of concern and assistance through contracts and treaties that were consistently broken and still does to this day. 

All of this didn't really hit me until we were at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial.  To be honest, this memorial was also a bit deflating because of its size and particular position in the grand scheme of the layout of that part of D.C.  At least, though, I felt like African Americans were somewhat "at the dance" of commemorating who and what is the United States.  It's a beautiful monument, even though to me it seems somewhat hidden and pales in comparison to Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson.  But at least it's there.  I feel like Indigenous Americans deserve a place like that too "at the dance".  Maybe there is something, and we just didn't visit.

2) D.C. made me feel patriotic, and it made me question our current political landscape.  I have no doubts that all the "biggies" that have monuments and museums had weaknesses and weren't perfect human beings.  I kept finding myself asking, though, how in the heck did our country elect a human like Donald Trump after a history of such amazing people and events?  How did that happen?  Walking around and seeing all the monuments and documentation of greatness and achievements and patriotism and passion for the United States was incredible...and then I see the White House and think about who is living there and in charge as President, and it's all just confusing.

3) Words really do matter.  As an English teacher, I value the power of words, and I get frustrated with my students when I can't seem to get them to appreciate the importance of language and what communicating with each other can do.  Everywhere, and I MEAN EVERYWHERE were words etched in the monuments of the more famous and inspirational words and phrases communicated by these folks.  How leaders communicate and what they say has the power to move peoples and nations and history.  Humans will ALWAYS need people that are gifted and trained in the use of words - to inspire us, to heal us, to sympathize with us, and to comfort us.  Words do matter - then, now, and beyond.

4) Everyone U.S. citizen should visit and tour our nation's capital at least once.  We pay taxes; we follow laws; we contribute our votes; we are either descendants of our founding fathers or our ancestors traveled here because of the opportunity that existed.  I'm sure like the center of other countries, D.C. is who we are.

Weening Off The Meloxocam

The recent news about the explosion of opioid use in America has me a bit unnerved, since I have been on a very weak pain/inflammation medicine for about a year now for the joint problems I have in my right knee.  Don't feel sorry for me...I deserve what I'm getting because I have virtually tortured my body for a long, long time.  I've always said that when it's my time to die, my body is going to have nothing leftover.

Having experienced sports, officiating, marathons, ultra-runs, trail runs and being overweight for the past 20 years really has taking a toll on the old knees.  And the Meloxocam, as explained by my doctor, is like an extra strength Tylenol.

Well, I've actually tried to take myself off this medicine in the past, I didn't actually last very long.  Typically at about day 2 or 3 I experience joint pain, headaches, and just an overall ache everywhere.  This summer, though, I've lasted longer.  In fact I recently have been officiating basketball and umpiring softball a lot, and I've stayed away from the Meloxocam successfully.  I did allow myself to take some Tylenol, but that's over the counter stuff.

If I can keep shedding some weight, I know that will help, but for now the Meloxocam is staying in the medicine cabinet!

UPDATE - Today is 7/26/19...still haven't taken any Meloxocam.

Accepting Defeat After Giving The Best Effort Isn't The Same As Taking Defeat

I hope to have more opportunities to post thoughts now that the 18-19 school year has ended...thankfully.  It was a rough school year for many reasons, and some time off could perhaps be "just what the Doctor ordered".

My post today pertains to defeat.  Failing is hard; defeat is hard; losing is hard.  Isn't that a good thing?  For as long as I remember, I've had a multitude of influences, as well as my own unique human characteristics, develop in me the belief that no one should just "take" defeat.  No one should just give up because the odds of success look bleak.

One example came to me recently in a game I umpired.  I worked with two other partners that I had never worked a high school game with, and in our pre-game conference I explained to them that one of the teams was expected to win, but I was interested to see how the other team would approach the game.  I explained how one of the most exciting things as an umpire or official that I look for is the "fighting spirit" of a team, and I suppose their coaches and their fans too.  In this particular game, I told my partners that if the underdog could keep the game close long enough and keep fighting long enough, that they had a good chance of upsetting the favorite.

They did it...the underdog battled and did indeed upset the favorite.  It happens, right?  And I agree that while I don't really have a solid percentage estimate on how many more times likely the favorite is to win, what I do know is that over my lifetime I've witnessed some incredible, almost miraculous, upsets or come-from-behind wins or last-second wins.  Because if you don't keep battling, if you don't keep fighting, if you refuse to give up, something crazy might happen.

More importantly, if you develop in yourself a "never-give-up" mentality, perhaps you always give yourself a better chance of scoring the upset than if you always just "took" defeat.

Before an arthritic knee sidelined my rec league basketball career, I'm sure there were some people that thought I was insane.  Even in my late 40's on some rec league court in hot summer temps in a game that for all practical purposes meant nothing to the world, I wouldn't just keep battling, I would vocally push my other "middle-aged" teammates to NEVER give in.  When I coached, I would always tell my players that the opponent can NEVER take away our fighting spirit unless we allow it.  I would tell them there is nothing wrong with finishing behind on a scoreboard, but we should never just "take" a defeat.  Because honestly, what's the alternative?  Should we just go through the motions if the outcome looks bleak?  Should we just give up entirely?  How are those responses anything that anyone could justify as winning attributes?

So this week, yesterday, in fact, a defeat was part of my life.  And it wasn't the first defeat of the week; actually, it was the third defeat in this particular situation.  And boy was I struggling with it.  I wasn't sleeping very well; I'm sure my blood pressure was near aneurism levels; and completing other things was just hard.

And in the end, I suffered defeat.  In fact, I was pretty confident that defeat was going to be the end result no matter if I battled or not.  I find some solace, though.  And I slept better the last two nights knowing that I planned to "play the game" through to the very end.  Essentially, I was the last batter in the bottom of the last inning in a game that my team was on the wrong side of a very lopsided score.  And I could have just decided to not even go up to the plate.  I could have said, "What's the point?"

Atticus Finch never expected he could win Tom Robinson's case.  In fact, he took the case knowing he was going to lose and knowing that other people in his own community would think he was nuts even to battle.  Mr. Finch, though, felt compelled to try to do the right thing despite the odds stacked against him.  He believed that even if he lost, then next person fighting a similar fight might have a better chance of winning or at least gaining ground the next time.  I love the book To Kill A Mockingbird.

For me, I must now accept defeat.  Oh, it's not easy.  It's a challenge to tamp down desires to lash out - to go down the road of sour grapes.  But a couple of actions I took in the face of really bad odds for a win help me to have just a little comfort.  One, I didn't usurp the process.  I respected the process and commented and battled according to the established rules.  I didn't attempt to undercut anyone while expressing my views and arguing my case.  Two, in the end, I told the winning team I wasn't going to be a part of the consequences.

I need a summer break, and it's going to be a great break.  But I'm now going to be able to return with what I hope will be another fresh attitude and energy and hope that I'm not sure I would have been able to do otherwise.  As I mentioned previously, my mind is calmed, I have slept better the last two nights, and I can move forward.  I didn't get the miracle come-from-behind win.  I didn't get the miracle upset.  That stings.  On the other hand, that fighting spirit is still with me, and I can continue to learn and grow and help others as long as that is in tack.

It's Hard To Take On Superman, But I'm Trying

Last Wednesday, my own little personal world took a shock - like those defibrillator paddles you see on television on those medical shows like E.R., Chicago Hope, etc...  I literally felt like someone had the paddles to me and was shouting "CLEAR" and letting me have it.

The shock showed me a different world, an unsettling, frustrating, and dangerous world - a world of substance abuse.  I understand it better now, but I still have a lot to learn.  In its worst form, substance abuse is a disability - crippling and devasting.  And there are treatments and help and medications, unlike most disabled people, many folks dealing with substance abuse issues don't think they have a problem  Worse yet, many substances help them feel wonderful and powerful, just like Superman.

I can only imagine that feeling like Superman is amazing.  The problem is that the toll on the body afterwords is devastating.

I WROTE THOSE WORDS A FEW WEEKS BACK...

I'm learning more and more about attempting to help someone recover from substance abuse and use.   Boredom is a challenge; depression and regret is a challenge; a lack of money is a challenge.  And you know what is a quick fix to all of those things - DRUGS.  And the drugs don't have to be the expensive stuff.  You see, sooner or later it seems that it's not the particular drug that's the attraction.  Instead, the attraction is just feeling better, so eventually the type of drug really isn't an issue anymore.  Plus, the cost of the drug is a relatively easy obstacle to overcome.  Search social media, and there are a variety of household products that can be used independently or in combination to quickly and easily help the brain fire and misfire in ways the help the user forget all the struggles.

And danger?  Worry of permanent side effects?  Worry of the hurt that may be caused to others?  Those things are considered, but the lure of simply feeling happy or energetic or all-powerful like Superman are more attractive; more immediate.

Here's some awful truth.  Life isn't always fun.  In fact, some days, some weeks, some months, some years, and unfortunately some lifetimes don't feature much fun.  So why do some people recognize that, and it's okay, and substance abuse isn't an answer?  Or why do some people find different mood altering methods like exercise, competition, yoga, meditation, etc.., to chase away "the blues" or to simply feel more energetic?  Why do some people get hooked on drugs to be happier when others find other non-substance means?

If I could just go back to "THE MOMENT" when this person realized that drug use was "THE ANSWER" to happiness and nothing else really was as effective, I'd really appreciate the opportunity.  I wonder if I could figure out away to switch the channel at the exact moment and help that person find a healthier answer.

That's not reality, though.  So one day at a time, I'm trying to help this person.  And I realize that I really can't make this person do anything he or she does or doesn't want to do.  I can be encouraging, and I can make suggestions, and I can try to be helpful.  I can be supportive, and I can help with transportation, money, a safe place to live.  I can be hopeful, and I can worry, and I can be scared.  In many ways, one day at a time can apply to the helper as much as it does the person recovering and attempting to redirect his/her life.

And for "the helper", life can be draining, exhausting, confusing, and frustrating.  I'm learning that I not only need to try to help the person recovering, but I also need to try to help myself.   I just can be as helpful for the people who depend on me, if I don't also try to figure out a way to keep my own energy and spirits where they belong.

Bring it on Superman.  I'm here to help you; and I'm here to help me, so I can continue to help you.

Supervising Study Hall...Not the Glamorous Part of Teaching

Teaching is an art, and it's meaningful and rewarding and enjoyable most of the time.  Supervising study hall doesn't fall into the category of "most of the time".

And you may think that a person that makes my kind of salary would be thankful for monitoring a study hall, right.  You might think it's just an extra period of the day to accomplish stuff like grading paper, making lesson plans, etc...  You would be wrong, well not totally wrong but still wrong.  Study hall supervision seeing students not be students, and that's very frustrating.

In my classroom, I provide what I hope are activities and learning experiences that will help students grow academically and mature.  I'm not suggesting each lesson plan is worthy of a distinguished honor, but most students aren't following to sleep or complaining as if it's a trip to the dentist.  Study hall, though, for most students is 90% social time and mental break and 10% productive work.  And for many students, 10% is a stretch.  And for many of those many students, I have them in English III.  And for the really special kids, I have them in English III, and they are failing, and they still only socialize.  UGH!

You might say that I should get tougher - maybe allow no talking and constantly circulate the room and demand students be completely quiet and working on coursework or at least reading a book.  You might say I should prohibit students from sleeping or any other non-productive behavior.  I don't think it's my job to MAKE students work.  And even if I tried, it would be a foolhardy effort.  Kids that don't want to work are going to work very hard at not working. 

The addition of chromebooks hasn't helped.  Chromebooks are wonderful tools, but they are also windows to video games and movie clips and many other avenues of attention that are not school related.  Again, is it my job to monitor all chromebook usage?  It's not possible.

Generally speaking, I take attendance to make sure the natives are accounted for.  They aren't bad kids; in fact, they are very good kids.  Unfortunately, they are satisfied for less than their potential performance.  Getting C's is okay...for some students, getting D's are okay.  And for others, avoiding all work is okay and failing the class is no big deal.

I'd much rather prefer to teach another class and have more official work to complete versus monitoring a study hall.  YUCK!  I hope next year I am able to teach something else - perhaps Public Speaking first semester and second semester.  That would be a much better situation.

When Things Don't Turn Out Like They Should

For parents, we recognize that we aren't going to be perfect, but we believe that eventually, we will successfully assist our children in growing into adults.  They will find successful jobs, find successful spouses, have families and hopefully be close to us.  We can then watch them and help them with their own families.

For parents, then, it's supposed to end up like the storybook basketball season.  Right now the NCAA basketball tournaments are underway, and it's an exciting time of the year.  We see the joy and triumph of a last-second game-winning shot and all that goes with it.  The fans are screaming and jumping up-and-down; the players are hugging each other and smiling, and they feel all amazingly wonderful and happy.  Their work, it seems, has paid off.

But not every game ends like that does it?  Sometimes, the shot bounces away.  Sometimes, the best player gets injured or ill.  Sometimes, the player fouls out.  Sometimes, the game just doesn't go very well.  And at the end of that?  There are hugs and tears and disappointment and the kick in the gut that comes with loss.

Recently, my oldest son has moved away.  For several years now, he's struggled with life in general - tough relationships, lack of employment beyond entry-level wages, substance overuse and abuse.  The son I know and remember had a wonderful heart, and he was smart and creative.  He was handsome and athletic, even though his interest wasn't in athletics.  He loved music, and he had a great voice.  In junior high, I wasn't quite sure what mark he would make on the world, but he enjoyed reading and earned good grades and teachers had positive comments about him.

High school arrived, and without an interest in what often times are typical positive avenues for kids in our area - things like sports, drama, choir/band, FFA, academics - he started to fade from family and turned to friends and activities that weren't what most parents want for their children.  His Dad divorced his mom, and he eventually moved in with Dad to finish his high school education.  He did finish, but it was a struggle when it didn't have to be.  The work wasn't the problem, the level in interest in other things was more important; plus the group of friends he liked and associated with didn't place academics and their futures as a priority.  They weren't awful kids; they weren't evil.  Their interest, though, was fun and music and partying and video games.  

My son tried to start a band, and he even has played a little here an there over the years.  He recorded videos, and he showed he had talented.  The life of rock stars with making music and partying all the time appealed to him...it was music; it was partying; and it was fun.  It wasn't anything like his Dad - the guy that was a teacher, had two graduate degrees, and had a career.  It wasn't anything like his Dad who loved sports, and enjoyed music but wasn't into longboarding with a few beers and some music and maybe some weed and just enjoying the freedom of a blue sky and sunny day.

His Dad always tried very hard to advise him - that partying and music and fun were all well in good, but there was a time and place for those things that also needed to include some type of meaningful training and employment - including a job that had a decent salary, hours, and some insurance and other benefits.  My son, though, while good-hearted and talented didn't see a need for a career and house and family.  He just needed some simple job to earn a little money to buy enough for a simple place and enough partying supplies to enjoy life.

He's gone now.  I understand that here...home...there is nothing for him anymore.  His family doesn't trust him.  He has no car.  He has no money.  He has no insurance.  He cannot find a job.  He was recently evicted from his last residence.  And the relationship he's in is wonderful one day and toxic the next - a constant rollercoaster of happiness and violence.  In his mind, he thinks he needs to go somewhere new, make something of himself, prove himself, and return someday even if it's just for a visit and show he made it.  He thinks he's exhausted all his "bail outs" from his family and friends, and I'm sure a part of him feels guilty because of the relationships and bridges that he's had a hand in wrecking.

The substance use, overuse, and abuse are things he won't be able to move away from.  He believes he has mental health issues - problems with bipolar disorder, anxiety, and depression.  And he's now under some prescribed medications which he believes are now helping him level out his emotions.  To my most recent knowledge, though, he still smokes and vapes, and drinks alcohol, and smokes weeds and possibly is still using other drugs.  I've tried to tell him that those chemicals can't possibly help any legitimate mental health issues he may genuinely need to battle.

I don't know where he is.  I don't know who he's with.  Intermittent messenger messages provide bits and pieces of his situation.  He tells me he's okay.  He tells me not to worry.  He tells me he will be back sometime after he's gotten his life together.  This isn't the first time that moving away to get a new start was the answer to his struggles, and he discovered that place too had booze, drugs, and chemicals there.  He's a few years older from that attempt; he had moved in with a girl.  He and the girl fell on hard times, moved back here...started to dig out.  The girl he was with tired of the partying and the ups and downs of their lives and ended the relationship.

And now he's with another girl in another relationship somewhere in Colorado.  They have nothing - maybe her SUV and some clothes and whatever they could pack.  The girl has two daughters, and my last contact indicated they were all heading to Colorado to visit the girl's mom.  I hear he's applying for jobs at nearby hotels.

He didn't even say goodbye when he left.  He didn't even say he was leaving.  I stopped by last Wednesday at where I thought he was staying with a buddy, and was told he wasn't home.  The next day my daughter said he had heard from him that he and his girlfriend were heading west to Colorado to visit her mom.  I knew when I heard that, he wasn't just visiting.  I don't know how it happened.  I thought he and the girl had broken up - again for the umpteenth time.  And lo and behold now I find out she and he packed up an SUV and left.

I'm hurting.  I feel loss - very similar to the death of close family member or friend.  My gut aches; my chest hurts; I often wake during the night and can't return to sleep.  I'm sure my ex-wife blames me for this.  I'm sure it was my fault that while my son was growing up I was too busy teaching, coaching, going to grad school.  Maybe she's right or at least partially right.  Maybe I should have done something differently; I find myself going over the years in my mind and trying to figure out the moment I should have stopped something or started something or done something differently.  You know how sometimes you hear how one event or one conversation or one thing different changed the course of someone's life?  I wonder what I missed...what I could have done differently.

I've tried to become more knowledgable about substance use, overuse, and abuse.  I know most everything I've heard and read suggests that he's an adult now, and he must decide how or if he wants his life to change.  I've heard and read how I'm not supposed to attempt to blame myself for his situation, but that's hard.

I love him.  I miss him.  I miss the son I once knew; I miss the son I know is inside under all the layers of other stuff.  I miss the son I know still exists - talented, good-hearted, musical, smart.  I miss having the storybook father-son ending that other dads get to experience.  I try to stay strong...to have faith in him...to accept the bits and pieces of information I sometimes receive from him or about him and try to be encouraging.  I pray for him.  I fear a bad ending while longing for a good ending.

In the end, we parents know there are all kinds of different paths to success.  I hope his current path leads to success and happiness and joy and finding the person I know he is.

Volunteering Is Great...Sandbagging Is A Tough Way To Do It

The Mighty Mississippi is flooding parts of Andalusia, which is part of our school district.  There was a post on social media during the week that called for volunteer help from the village, and being on spring break offered some available time to help out.  This was my first experiencing sandbagging, and I quickly learned that it is not easy.

We started Friday morning, and I showed up in my overalls and my gloves with my shovel and asked for guidance.  It didn't take long to figure out the basics of the task, so I found myself jumping in the "fun".  What I learned later is that someone figured out a better system than previous years, which was to use big PVC tubes within a crate to more easily fill the bags.  The first step then was to cover the six PVC tubes with sandbags, which consisted of opening the sandbag and sliding it over the tube.  After all six tubes were covered, we then flipped the crate to expose the openings for the sand.  With that second step completed, the third step was to use the shovels lift the sand from the pile into the tubes.  Once filled step four consisted of the crate lifted up off of the bags.  Step five was to carry the filled bags (usually about half filled) to folks who were tying the bags (step 6).  After some time bending over to tie the bags, someone decided to put the filled bags on tables to save the backs of the individuals tying the bags. 

I pause here because I later found out that a tight tie on the bags was very helpful, so while tying the bags may have been the least physical step, a tight tie was important later on in handling the bags.

The final step - step 7 - was to load the completed sandbag either onto a pallet or on to a trailer or truck that would then transport the bags to various parts of the village where they would be needed.

I filled sandbags like that from about 8:30 to 12:30 on Friday, and my back and legs suffered the rest of the day.  I was really tired, so watching NCAA tournament basketball in my recliner was welcomed.  Plus, Friday featured temps in the 30's, so I needed a hot, long shower to try to get the chill out of me.

I wasn't sure I was going to make it back for Saturday, but I pulled my sore legs and back out of the house and went back for more.  I should mention now that partnering up with someone to fill the bags really went much quicker and more effective than trying to accomplish the task myself.  So Saturday, I met a different partner, and we proceeded to once again fill as many sandbags as possible.  He left around 10 a.m., and there was a call to head to the sewer plant outside of the village to build a sandbag wall.  Having never participated in building a sandbag wall, I volunteered for that job; it was a break from the back-breaking work of filling sandbags.

While I don't think building a sandbag wall is rocket science, my guess is that having some experience helps, and there didn't seem to be much experience on the crew I was working with.  Like anything else, we muddled along until we finally figured out a rhythm and a method of building the wall.  The process was to lay down plastic, building the wall of sandbags up in a pyramid shape, and then cover the wall with the plastic.  I don't know if our wall was built well enough or not.  I guess I will find out.  The method seemed to be similar to stacking hay bales.  The sandbags were laid in layers and criscrossed with each layer.  If the river does get high enough, I hope the work we did holds up.

I stayed with this crew through the most difficult phase of the project, but eventually, more crew members existed than were needed, so I went back to the garage to build more sandbags.  I think I stayed maybe another ninety minutes before my body had enough.  I quietly tapped out and exited a little before 2 p.m.  The process of filling the sandbags actually went a little quicker when I returned from the sewer plant.  A one-person end loader was brought in which eliminated the need to shovel the sand into the tubes, so that part of the process was more effective and less challenging on the back.

It's Sunday now.  No sandbagging for me today.  I'm sticking to the recliner and tournament basketball!

Any "Supremacy" Is Fearful, Ignorant, And Dangerous

Two days ago a slaughter of people occurred in New Zealand, and it was committed by a person who felt like he was supreme to others.  And whether he feared the others he slaughtered or whether he was ignorant about the people he slaughtered, what he represents is very, very dangerous.  When one type of people or one type of religion or one socioeconomic class or one country somehow believe that it is supreme to others, we are all in trouble. 

While not as horrific and terrifying as the incident in New Zealand, I'm in my third Sunday of sitting out of church service.  The leaders in the international church organization of which my local church associates itself with decided that members of the LGBT community were not as important as other people.  Whether it was fear or ignorance, the stance is dangerous, and in my mind, it's especially dangerous when the Bible is used to justify the "supremeness" of the United Methodist Church over other people.  

None of us are supreme to others.  Period.  We are all different; we all have different aspects about us; we all have different views about topics.  And I believe the vast majority of people on this planet get that.  Unfortunately, there are some people in this world that for some unknown reason are not able to grasp that.  For some reason, they are fearful of others or they are ignorant about others like they should not be, and somehow those few people latch on to a message that fuels their fear and ignorance.  And if those few are fearful enough and ignorant enough and the message that is fueling them is powerful enough, then those people have an increased risk of acting out.

We need more leaders in our communities, our states, our country, and our world that understand that the messages they provide to their constituents need to reach beyond fear and beyond ignorance, so fewer people are dangerous and less danger exists in our world.  Our leaders messages MATTER.  Words matter; advertisements matter; promotional materials matter; words that express our opinions matter, and they matter even more to folks that are fearful and ignorant of others than them.  Those words matter to folks who for some reason believe they are supreme to others.