I hope to have more opportunities to post thoughts now that the 18-19 school year has ended...thankfully. It was a rough school year for many reasons, and some time off could perhaps be "just what the Doctor ordered".
My post today pertains to defeat. Failing is hard; defeat is hard; losing is hard. Isn't that a good thing? For as long as I remember, I've had a multitude of influences, as well as my own unique human characteristics, develop in me the belief that no one should just "take" defeat. No one should just give up because the odds of success look bleak.
One example came to me recently in a game I umpired. I worked with two other partners that I had never worked a high school game with, and in our pre-game conference I explained to them that one of the teams was expected to win, but I was interested to see how the other team would approach the game. I explained how one of the most exciting things as an umpire or official that I look for is the "fighting spirit" of a team, and I suppose their coaches and their fans too. In this particular game, I told my partners that if the underdog could keep the game close long enough and keep fighting long enough, that they had a good chance of upsetting the favorite.
They did it...the underdog battled and did indeed upset the favorite. It happens, right? And I agree that while I don't really have a solid percentage estimate on how many more times likely the favorite is to win, what I do know is that over my lifetime I've witnessed some incredible, almost miraculous, upsets or come-from-behind wins or last-second wins. Because if you don't keep battling, if you don't keep fighting, if you refuse to give up, something crazy might happen.
More importantly, if you develop in yourself a "never-give-up" mentality, perhaps you always give yourself a better chance of scoring the upset than if you always just "took" defeat.
Before an arthritic knee sidelined my rec league basketball career, I'm sure there were some people that thought I was insane. Even in my late 40's on some rec league court in hot summer temps in a game that for all practical purposes meant nothing to the world, I wouldn't just keep battling, I would vocally push my other "middle-aged" teammates to NEVER give in. When I coached, I would always tell my players that the opponent can NEVER take away our fighting spirit unless we allow it. I would tell them there is nothing wrong with finishing behind on a scoreboard, but we should never just "take" a defeat. Because honestly, what's the alternative? Should we just go through the motions if the outcome looks bleak? Should we just give up entirely? How are those responses anything that anyone could justify as winning attributes?
So this week, yesterday, in fact, a defeat was part of my life. And it wasn't the first defeat of the week; actually, it was the third defeat in this particular situation. And boy was I struggling with it. I wasn't sleeping very well; I'm sure my blood pressure was near aneurism levels; and completing other things was just hard.
And in the end, I suffered defeat. In fact, I was pretty confident that defeat was going to be the end result no matter if I battled or not. I find some solace, though. And I slept better the last two nights knowing that I planned to "play the game" through to the very end. Essentially, I was the last batter in the bottom of the last inning in a game that my team was on the wrong side of a very lopsided score. And I could have just decided to not even go up to the plate. I could have said, "What's the point?"
Atticus Finch never expected he could win Tom Robinson's case. In fact, he took the case knowing he was going to lose and knowing that other people in his own community would think he was nuts even to battle. Mr. Finch, though, felt compelled to try to do the right thing despite the odds stacked against him. He believed that even if he lost, then next person fighting a similar fight might have a better chance of winning or at least gaining ground the next time. I love the book To Kill A Mockingbird.
For me, I must now accept defeat. Oh, it's not easy. It's a challenge to tamp down desires to lash out - to go down the road of sour grapes. But a couple of actions I took in the face of really bad odds for a win help me to have just a little comfort. One, I didn't usurp the process. I respected the process and commented and battled according to the established rules. I didn't attempt to undercut anyone while expressing my views and arguing my case. Two, in the end, I told the winning team I wasn't going to be a part of the consequences.
I need a summer break, and it's going to be a great break. But I'm now going to be able to return with what I hope will be another fresh attitude and energy and hope that I'm not sure I would have been able to do otherwise. As I mentioned previously, my mind is calmed, I have slept better the last two nights, and I can move forward. I didn't get the miracle come-from-behind win. I didn't get the miracle upset. That stings. On the other hand, that fighting spirit is still with me, and I can continue to learn and grow and help others as long as that is in tack.
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