Going To Church; I Just Want To Be A Spectator Participant - Is That Wrong?

So getting to church service on Sunday mornings is problematic for me during the summer months.  I umpire a lot of softball, and with grandchildren now, Amber and I find ourselves with little ones on Sunday mornings.  While I don't keep track of my attendance, I'm pretty sure I haven't attended service all summer long.  I miss it - sort of.  I really miss seeing the efforts of Pastor Paul, I miss the positive messages and music, and I miss seeing the other members of the church.  The "sort of" is that I don't want to LEAD. 

Let me try to explain this.

When I'm umpiring or officiating, my role is to manage and lead and be helpful.  Players, coaches, fans, umpiring/officiating partners look to me with expectations that I will perform my role of management and leadership to help the game or contest move along positively.  When I'm teaching, students, parents, staff, administrators look to me with expectations that I will again perform my role of management and leadership to help students improve their skills and ability. 

I signed up for those expectations when I decided to officiate, umpire, and teach.  I get it.

In addition, my wife, family, and friends also occasionally look to me to expect that I will perform the role of husband, dad, sibling, family member, and friend and help them with their lives too.

I "signed up" to be a husband, and family and friends deserve my efforts to help lead when I'm needed and available and able to do so.  I get that too, and I feel honored to be able to give back to those folks for all of the blessings I've enjoyed because of them.

After I met Amber, she encouraged me to explore the church I currently belong to.  Amber and I were married in the church, and met and developed a friendship with the pastor, and as he and Amber encouraged me to do so, I became a member.  I did so with hesitation because I already am stretched pretty far in terms of available time, energy, and money resources.

And despite my best attempts to simply be a spectator and passive participant, I soon was being asked to be a liturgist and eventually found my way onto a committee.  Those things don't require a great deal of time and energy, but they were things in addition to my already normal hectic daily schedule.

I'm struggling with the feeling that while I miss the positive things about church service, I don't miss the potential expectations to lead something - be a liturgist, join another committee, participate in some fundraising event, sing some type of song, etc...  If I am able to attend service, I just want to enjoy it.  I will make a generous contribution to the offering, but I just want to spectate.  I want to go to the "concert" to watch and sing and learn something.  I don't want to go to the concert and be asked to participate or asked to do something else.

Here's the rub.  I know the church needs a certain number of people to do more than just be a member; do more than just show up occasionally at a service; do more than just spectate and contribute to the offering.  There is NO WAY the church accomplishes what it does without more help - without more leadership.

I feel guilty, and I feel like I'm not upholding expectations of being a member of the church.  I feel like I should be willing to do more or not be a member at all.  That's what I'm struggling with.

The Trek Ride Is Relaxing...Here's Why

Several years ago, one of my great friends Greg Wolf connected me with a friend of his that was selling a bicycle.  It's a Trek, and it's what I would call a "hybrid".  It's not a fat tire mountain bike, and it's not a lean road bike.  For me, it can be a bit of a trail bike and a bit of a road bike, which makes it the perfect EXERCISE BIKE.

With more time on my hands, I've been able to saddle up and ride more recently.  Yesterday, I had to tinker a bit with the right pedal that seemed to be clicking at the top of my pedal stroke, and I've added some little storage accessories to carry my phone wallet, spare tire tube, a few tools, etc...  This morning, the click in the pedal was gone, so that was nice.  And as I was riding, I was trying to explore just why riding this bike is fun for me.  

First, because it's a hybrid bike, it can travel fairly quickly.  Obviously, I'm not going to be any Tour de France participants, but there's something about pedaling down the road at a quick pace that makes it fun.  Of course, I can't seem to get up early enough to beat the wind that seems to pick up steam just when I get out on the road.  Usually, in my area, the wind is blowing from the south in the summer, which means the start and finish to my ride are nice, but in between is the wind.

Second, there's something about the sound the bike makes that is relaxing.  The sound is mechanical, but it's a quiet sort of "whir" that almost matches the breeze.  At my age feeling like I'm exercising with the feel and the sound of a strong but quiet machine is energetic and inspiring.

Third, my knees appreciate the low-impact workout.  I've tortured my knees over the years through sports, marathons, trail runs, road races, and ultra distance events.  And it wasn't that long ago, that my knee pain was so great that I could barely take a walk around town.  I know my heart rate doesn't get as high while bicycling as it does in running or even swimming, but exercising relatively pain-free feels like freedom.

Fourth, other than the purchase of the bicycle, which I think at the time was a couple hundred dollars, bicycling is an inexpensive recreational activity.  I do always wear a helmet, and I have a pair of gloves and some sun glasses.  And generally, I wear bright reflective clothing.  Because I don't have special shoes, I just wear my tennis shoes with the standard bicycle pedals.  None of those things cost much money.

Admittedly, living in a rural area helps where I can ride.  My county and township roads have very little traffic unless some trucks are rolling into the grain elevator or I don't time a Sunday morning ride very well, and people are heading to the church service in town.  Also, there are bike paths nearby in the Quad Cities that are easy to get to and enjoyable.  I just need to get my truck back, so transporting the bike is easier.

I'm looking forward to building up my strength and endurance to eventually take a longer ride.  I use to do that...put some supplies in a backpack and head off in a direction and just go.  I need to get some more hours in and keep losing some weight, though, before I'm ready for that.

Pool Days Are Great...Not Sure Sometimes About the Long Term Value

So if you were to drive by our house, you might incorrectly assume that the Bizarri's are wealthy.  Honestly, if I didn't know better and were to drive by my house, I would think that.  The most notable attribute to that conclusion is the pool that sits in the back yard and is viewable from our neighborhood street.  From all appearances, it looks great.  And to be again honest, since I've known Amber, we have put some effort and money into the pool - landscaping, a heater, a new liner, additional patio room, lights on the gazebo, etc...  If I may so, it looks nice.

And when the weather supplies a good ole typical midwest summer day with heat and humidity, floating in the pool is AWESOME.  And since I've been able to lose a little weight and add some exercise to my life, using the pool to swim or to water run is also very convenient and saves money on membership to an activity center or YMCA.  Another factor is that we are able to invite others to the pool that often help Amber and me out with various things - particularly my mom and Amber's mom and dad.  When they join us, and they are able to relax and enjoy the pool, I appreciate the pool even more for them.

So those are the good things.  Did I mention that maintenance of that dang pool is pretty much a part-time job - particularly keeping chlorine levels adequate, backwashing the filter, and vacuuming our dirt and other particles that find their way into the pool?  And did I mention that regular supplies like chemical and occasional items like new motors, a new heater, and a liner are quite expensive?  I don't think I would be stretching the truth too far to suggest that we probably spend around $2,000 a summer on the pool.  Then there is the periodic switch of filter sand or the need for a new chlorinator or leveling out the paving brick on the south side of the pool.  Those jobs aren't much fun - at all.

Another important fact...use of the pool sometimes begin in May if Mother Nature cooperates.  We try to open it earlier than that to minimize opening costs, but actually using the pool does require decent weather unless the heater is used a lot.  And because I umpire a lot in June, I only really use the pool regularly in July.  As August rolls around, by mid-month it's time to go back to work with my teaching job.  With those things in mind, my "window" of regular use of the pool is about six weeks.  With Mother Nature's cooperation, use of the pool can extend into September, and then by the end of October, we are winterizing the pool, attaching the cover, and putting her to bed for the winter months.

So is it worth it?  I think I am going to try to get more use out of the pool to help me feel better about all the money, time, and effort that is expended.  Plus, I'm trying to invite friends, neighbors, and family over more often for others to get more use.  For my own peace of mind, I'm just going to try to slow my life down and simply work harder to enjoy the pool when I'm in it.  Maybe through al of these ways, I'll feel better about its worthiness!

A Very Little Triathlon

So a long time ago in a far-away land, I dabbled in triathlons.  No, not the Ironman versions, even though I vaguely remember dreaming about attempting to complete something like that at one time in my life.  And no, I'm not an experienced triathlon participant.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I've only participated in three - all of the short "sprint" variety. 

Still, I REALLY enjoyed triathlon training and participating.  First off, there is something about having a number written in marker on you that seems empowering.  I wonder if it is how some people feel about getting a tattoo.  Next, for most people, swimming for a distance, even a short distance, is scary.  And most sprint triathlons in our area start with a swim in a lake, which isn't crystal clear.  So swimming in a murky lake is vastly different than training in a pool.  The other scary part of the swim is the "traffic".  Staying a float and maintaining a swim stroke for a distance is challenging enough...having fifty other people around you doing the same thing is even more challenging.  Picture yourself trying to swim with other arms and legs striking you in the back, the legs, and even your head.  Beyond the swim, the biking portion is fun, but you quickly learn that the sport becomes expensive when it comes to the bike.  Those lightweight speed demon bikes aren't cheap.  Most biking portions aren't too challenging...course descriptions generally use the words "rolling hills".  Finally, there is the "RUN".  If you are/were a casual participant, the word run is just a descriptive word.  Attempting to run after bicycling 20 miles is like trying to move with your feet in cement blocks.  Running, in this sense, feels like slow motion.

And why do I share all of this?  Because since having some time off from umpiring and officiating, I've "dabbled" again.  No, I'm not signed up for any event.  No, I'm not sure I will ever again sign up for an event.  But since we have a pool at our house, and I still have a bike, I thought I would create my own little course and give it a whirl.  So I broke down and purchased online a couple pair of triathlon shorts (butt pad for the bike seat included), and I've now completed three "events".  Yesterday, I swam 8 "laps" in my pool (which obviously isn't much), I rode my bike for about 52 minutes, and then ran about a mile.

To even be able to do this is an improvement in my health.  I've lost a little weight, and I've been working at completing some simple stretch/yoga each day to help with flexibility.  Honestly, I was at a point a couple of years ago where completing a walk around Edgington was a struggle, so being able to participate in this type of exercise has been rejuvenating.  There's still something about combining the events that is challenging, yet fun.

So tomorrow is my fourth event.  Instead of participating in the Bix 7 - which I hope to participate in again someday - I'm going to complete another triathlon - JBiz style here in Edgington.  I think I'm going to try to swim 10 "laps", complete the 53-minute bike ride again, but I think I'm going to try to go for a 2-mile run.  I use to be able to complete the Bix in around an hour, so I think if I complete everything tomorrow in 90-120 minutes, that will be good.